"The Idiot Savant"

And?.........

2006-03-07T16:28:00.000-08:00

Yet another Barry Bonds "Bombshell" has hit the presses today. The so-called "Bombshell" was that not only has Bonds been taking steroids since 1998, but the two reporters who released the book stating this also have the details of when and what he was taking. My response to this is?.....NO SHIT! Now what? What do you want to do? Better question. What are you going to do when Bonds comes out and hits 42 home runs this year? Are you going to stop watching? No. Are you going to give him the respect he's earned as one of the greatest players in the history of baseball? Hell no. So now what? I have a suggestion for everyone running down to Pac Bell...er....SBC P....uh....AT&T Park with their torches and crucifix for ol' Barry. For every member of the media out there coming out with a book, or writing that hard hitting story. When you're being interviewed and they ask you why you did it? Why you felt the need to come out with this story? How about you take some of your own advice? Why don't you "come clean"? How about you try telling the truth? Don't act like you are doing society or the game of baseball a service by pulling the blindfold from our eyes. Because like Cedric Ceballos in the dunk contest....we could see. Don't say you are doing it for the kids, because all you're doing for them is crushing their hero. So come clean J. Jonah Jameson(Spider-Man reference...if you don't know it you don't get it). You're doing it for the money. That's fine. It's your job. Just tell the truth. Don't try and convince everyone that you're doing something noble for the world, for society. In your next interview when you're asked why you wrote the book? Tell them you needed the money. And then maybe you can demand that Barry come clean.
For those who think that these latest "revelations"(again...they're not that reveling) should change Bonds' Hall of Fame status they're insane. Bonds was a first ballot Hall of Famer back in '98. Back when juicing for him meant the orange kind. He's still one of the all time greats if you completely strike 1999 through the present from the record. So let's stop all that jive talk right now. He's not Pete Rose. Pete Rose gambled on baseball and there is no gray area there. It was banned in the clubhouse and because of that so was he. There was no book on steroids. There was no testing. There was ONLY a gray area. Again he's not Pete Rose.
And just a small question and possibly another suggestion for the fans. What's the problem? Seriously? What's your excuse? What do you have to complain about? Barry Bonds is playing the same brand of baseball that brought back to the game during the McGwire/Sosa home run chase. No wait...he's playing it better. Isn't that what you want to watch? Isn't that why Sportscenter even exists? Are you any less amazed while watching him perform extraordinary acts at nauseating length? No....you're not. In places you don't like to admit, you love it. You still say to yourself, "wow...he did it again?". You may say to your friends the next day at the water cooler, "yeah, well he's on steroids", but you don't really care. That didn't change your reaction the night before when it happened and you know what? It shouldn't.
Look, I am a die hard Giants fan. I won't deny that. I always tell a friend of mine at work when it comes to talking trash about baseball and my Giants I don't believe half of the stuff that comes out of my mouth. I just may be a little biased. But I'm not so jaded that I didn't know he was on steroids. That back in 1998 I didn't realize that his mustache wasn't the only thing that changed about his appearance. But ask yourself this? Looking back on that 1998 season, when McGwire and Sosa chased Maris' record, is it any less exciting now? Do you feel differently about it now than you did back then? I don't. I didn't like those guys back then and I still don't like them now. I thought they were juiced back then and I KNOW they were juiced now. But that was still one of my fondest baseball memories and will still be. Nothing will change that and nothing should. With that said, just sit back and take in what Bonds is about to do because you may never see it again. Steroids or not.

"And after the 4th game, God said--let Bill Buckner sleep again"

2004-10-28T17:29:00.000-07:00

Alright, I guess congratulations are in order for the Red Sox and the city of Boston. So here it is. Kudo's Bostonians--you guys can finally put to rest the curse which has plagued you and yours for the past 86 years, and better yet, the rest of us will never have to hear about it again.
Every year about the same time, it's "que the Red Sox tape", but with another new heart breaking October loss cut onto the end. It's like the twelve days of Christmas song. Where you count up from one and you add something new each day. While repeating each day each time you add something until you get to twelve. But by the fifth day you could care less how many par tridges are in their pear tree. Or what one is for that matter. And I could care less about how often and how many ways Boston chokes each year. Why should we be subjected to their depressing failure each year? We have our own problems out here in San Francisco (50 years and counting). Don't get me wrong, I was as happy as the next non Red Sox fan to see them finally get the Bambino off of their back and take out the 200 million dollar payroll of the Yankees, but let's face it--this team was hard to root for. As each game past I kept inching and inching over to the dark side of the "Evil Empire". Hoping Darth Torre could somehow pull something out of his hat...anything. I don't know, maybe it was their stupid choreographed hand shakes or the pseudo gay home run hugs, but if I had to "cowboy up" with the "idiots" one more time I was going to vomit.
Isn't there some unwritten rule that you're only allowed one silly postseason-run rallying cry. You either shave your head as a team or don't wash your socks until you win the series. But no, these guys grew out their hair, manicured white trash fu-man chu beards, came up with an alias, coined a phrase, brought a "mini Pedro" into the clubhouse, and only God knows what else. Fox only has four hours of air time, there's only so much they can fit.. And Kevin Millar. Kevin frickin Millar. The catalist behind all of the gay banter about cowboys and idiots.
This is the straw that broke my back. It's obvious these guys aren't the gun toting, confederate flag waving rednecks they look like--they're millionares after all. But during the broadcast of game two in the World Series, Fox flashed a brief bio of Millar across the screen. It read, "Hobbies: Riding Harley's. Favorite singer: Phil Collins. Favo....." Wait what was that? He's riding Harley's while rockin' out to Phil Collins? Not the same Phil Collins who brought us great hits such as "Invisible Touch" and "I can't Dance"? Oh Fox....you must be mistaken. Because I don't think "Easy Rider" would have done quite as well in the box-office had Dennis Hopper been riding his chopper set to su-su-sussudio.
Again, I'm happy the Sox finally won something, but I'm more happy about the fact that we don't have to hear about curses, 1918, Bucky "Bleepin" Dent, Aaron "Bleepin" Boone, your "Bleepin" aunt Mildrid and oh yes.....Bill Buckner. Never more, never more.

"Where have you gone Jeff Kent? Jason love's you more than you would know...whoa, whoa, whoa."

2004-06-28T02:09:00.000-07:00

While I watched Barry Bonds take his 677th strole around the bases it dawned upon me. He just doesn't care. Now, everybody gather around and listen up because this may be one of the only times you'll hear a Giants fan have something bad to say about Jesus Ch......er...I mean Barry Bonds.
But let's get something straight here. It's not the way that he doesn't run out routine groundballs--I realize if he plays with that Ken Griffey Jr. like hustle he'll probably end up like Junior--on the DL. Nor is it the way he'll pull up short on fly balls hit in front of him because again--a two out single with nobody on isn't worth Bonds on the shelf for a couple of weeks. I realize his half-assed attitude is the very reason that he's been able to stay as healthy as he's been over the years. But what's more painful to watch and probably to be around for his teammates is the way he looks exactly the same whether he hits a home run or if he strikes out--whether they win or lose. It's the way he remains on the dugout bench while everyone else is on the top step during a rally. It's how he some how manages to duck into the clubhouse unseen while the rest of his team is celebrating a Cody Ransom two out, game winning single in the bottom of the ninth. Maybe I'm completely off base here, hell I wish I were, but I don't think I am.
Like most Giants fans, when Bonds hits a game shifting home run I'm pumping my fist, kicking over my beer, and screaming at the top of my lungs. Then I see what appears to be Barry rolling his eyes while rounding second base before he walks directly to the end of the bench. And then I look at the wet spot on my carpet and can't help but ask myself, "if the people playing the game don't care whether they win or lose, why should I?" If Bonds jogs around the bases with that "I don't give a shit" look on his face, why should I?
Give me A.J. Pierzynski's batting .208 in May attitude over Bonds' after he hits a homer any day of the week because at least those bat racks and Gatorade bins know that A.J. cares.
In 2002, when the Giants sat comfortably in third place, I don't think there is a single person that will debate the altercation that turned that season around. I'll give you a minute to think about it......got it? It was the image of Barry Bonds and Jeff Kent strangling eachother in the dugout at San Diego. Any emotion shown is good emotion.
Most of these, come in the third leave in the seventh--Pac Bell/SBC or whatever we're calling it now park, fans are happy as long as Bonds hits one out so maybe they can leave before the seventh. Maybe that has rubbed off on Bonds. But unless we see that same Barry that went prancing out of the dugout after the 2002 NLCS he can hit .400 with 75 home runs and it'll mean squat.
So who's going to light that fire under Bonds this year? A.J. Pierzynski? Jason Schmidt perhaps? Someone has to otherwise I'll have to put away my tent I pulled out to pitch on Market St. for my boys' victory parade. Again....for the...uh. AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!! For some reason I feel like Charlie Brown right now. I quit.
Oh, before I go......forgive me Barry for I have sinned. I spoke blasphemus things about you. Barry is good and Barry is great. Barry bless any unfortunate soul who thinks otherwise.............j/k ;-)

Where's the McGwire interrogation?!?

2004-06-25T17:40:00.001-07:00

It was revealed Friday that the steroid-like substance Andro was banned by major league officials at the beginning of this season. As we all know this was the supplement that Mark McGwire had taken throughout his record breaking year and beyond. I guess it's time to pull our pitchforks out of our haybails, light the torches, and head for Big Mac's house, right? Wait a minute--are you trying to tell me that we're not going to shine the bright light on 'em and pull out the asterix'? Apparently not. No one has said a word about it.
So why then is Barry Bonds still being harrassed daily for his ties to BALCO? Let's review the facts: McGwire ADMITTED to taking a substance, that at the time wasn't banned, but since has been. Bonds has been SUSPECTED of taking a substance, that at the time wasn't banned, but since has been. If nothing else, McGwire was using a banned substance during his record three year stretch in which he hit about 200 home runs. That's not to mention the adult acne, his body breaking down, and every other steroid using symptom he had. So why--why do I have to listen to how Bonds should have an asterix next to his 73 home runs in 2001, or next to his career total if he breaks Hank Aaron's 755? Why?!? Yet nothing about McGwire. Despite what the media says, who all apparently got their P.H.D along with their journalism degree, Bonds hasn't shown any of the tell tale signs of someone on steroids. Also, BALCO owner Victor Conte, has gone on record through his lawyer, now from his own mouth, that he has never given Bonds steroids and has not even spoken with him about it. He hasn't done that for any of his other clients. Why would Conte risk pergery and lying to a grand jury unless it were true? So until there's a positive drug test out there shut your mouths. Unless you're going to throw McGwire into the same hat of course.

Well...at least his movie was good.
Maybe his hair didn't look quite right. Maybe Posh's fine behind was running through his mind. Or maybe he did step into a divet when he blasted that penalty kick twelve rows up into the rafters, but one things for sure, David Beckham is rapidly becoming the Anna Kournikova of mens sports. Here's the million dollar question though. Which body part would Uday have Becks hanging from right now had he played for the Iraqi national team? That's right Beck, the English public ain't so bad. At least you still get to lie down with Posh every night. Could be worse.

"Keep on rocking it's a freeloader's world....."

2004-06-17T20:23:00.000-07:00

If you look up freeloading in the dictionary it'll read living off somebody's generosity. Related words can be bum, cadge, freeloader, grub, mooch, sponge--it should also say "see Karl Malone and Gary Payton" next to it. There's no honor, no heart, and no anything else of that matter for taking less money and trying to hop on someone elses gravy train in order to try and steal a championship with a perenial contender. So I can think of no better fate for those two then to have to sit and watch someone else win their ring like they've done for the past twenty years.
I probably touched on this last year,("The NBA...it's FANtastic!) but it's worth saying again. Every year, in every sport, there is at least one player who leaves his team and plays for the veteran minimum in order to try and win a ring and every time he's praised for just wanting to win. Oh wow--what a hero. What they always fail to tell us is that the veteran minimum is about 4 million dollars a year and that they've already amassed 25 times that over the course of their career. Still think their missing out on much? Tell you what--lower the league minimum to $6.75 an hour and then I might think what you're doing is commendable. Until then all they are doing is setting a bad example for our children. "If that word problem is too hard....just give up and try something easier." "If you don't like your job quit." For every Ray Bourque, or Roger Clemens, or everyone else like that let's just put an asterix next to their championship and forget about em. Remember them as they were, great players on marginal teams. Sorry Rocket, it didn't count. The Yanks may have only won 110 games without you, but they still would have won their rings.
How much does not winning a championship hurt a great players legacy anyways? It may seem like a lot now, but when I think of Ted Williams or Ernie Banks, the first thing that pops to mind isn't that they haven't won a championship. But hey....that's just one mans opinion.

Reality T.V.
If you're ever home on an early weekday afternoon or up past midnight try flipping on ESPN2 and watch the trash they have on. Over the past week I've seen the National Spelling Bee, Dodgeball, the World Series of Darts and also Poker, the Fireman's Challenge and a hundred other World's Strongest Men contest like crap that isn't worth mentioning. I couldn't help but ask myself a couple of questions--first....what the hell is going on with the "total sports network"? And is the sports world becoming worse than all of this reality T.V. crap that keeps coming out? The answers I came up with were, I have no idea and hell yes. There is nothing worse than watching theses announcers trying to, while keeping a straight face, making some bar rat hitting the triple 19 on a dart board seem dramatic and exciting. If you wanna make it more exciting have the players take shots of Jack Daniels in between throws while hanging circus midgets around the board. Package that with the UFC on pay-per-view and you got yourself a smashing good time. Until that happens give me back to back episodes of Joe Millionare and the Swan any day of the week. So rather than feeling the need to fill everytime slot with some sort of competition just replay the morning sportscenter until the five o'clock baseball game. Thanks.

Until next time........Jason
P.S. John Wooden once said "No one can win without talent, but not everyone can win with it." This quote alone gives us reason to watch a Yankees-Marlins or Lakers-Pistons series.

Damn....I wish this were a joke.....

2004-06-16T10:57:00.000-07:00

Can someone please tell me when did the National Spelling Bee become a top story on my beloved Sportscenter? Not only that, but these little freaks are even wasting perfectly good air time on every other sports show in my T.V. watching schedule. It might be time to worry about the state of the sports world when we've got braced-faced kids and horses dominating sports highlights in the middle of the NBA Finals, NHL Finals, and Baseball is in full swing.
Speaking of horses and horse related news--unfortunately--it's been well documented that Smarty Jones jockey Stewart Elliot had a bout with alchoholism which led to an assault and battery charge. Where was he getting wasted? That local pub down in the Lollipop Kingdom? Oh I know...it was at the snack bar on the Wonka Factory tour. What the fuck?!? These 4'11" jockeys maybe the only bigger freaks in the world than those Spelling Bee kids. I want to see the umpa lumpa that caught a beat down from this 4'11" bad ass. If you want to waste my Sportscenter on horses and jockeys shown me that shit.
I can't really complain though--it's not like I would watch any hockey highlights anyhow. Not to mention that conspiracy ridden, fixed league where they attempt to shoot a round object into a spherical ring. Whatever the hell it's called. Now, I'm not a legal expert or anything, but why was Anthony Peeler suspended two games for throwing the same elbow that Karl Malone threw? No....wait...scratch that. The "Mugging Man" "delivered" an elbow to the blindside of a much smaller man while Peeler went toe to toe with a larger man. Somehow Peeler was suspended and Karl got docked a game minutes pay. Yeah that's fair David. How many finals do the Lakers have to ruin quality and ratings wise before our great comish realizes it's not good for the sport. Stop the Fix! Or at least don't make it so obvious Mr. Stern.
Maybe I'll just start watching the food network or something. Yeah the food network, that's it.

Until next time.....Jason

It's a little early to be passin out the hardware...isn't it?

2003-09-13T14:49:00.000-07:00

Come on everyone.....it's only week two, yet everyone is ready to give The Tuna Coach of the Year honors. Why? Was last night's win that impressive? I guess no one was paying any attention to the three touchdown lead they blew in the second half. Nor were they paying any attention when Jim Fassel's Leon Lett like blunder was going down. Not to mention the fact that they were playing the Giants. The same team that squandered the biggest lead in NFC history last year in the playoffs.
On any given Sunday the worst team in football can beat the best. We talk about it all the time. It happens all of the time. But why now is everyone ready to elect Parcells as California Governor just because his boys one a game. Probably because he's more qualified then any of the other candidates, but anyway I'm getting off of the topic. No one can take anything away from what Parcells has done, but I think it's a little early to consider the Boys' a playoff team. He isn't that good.
As ignorant and unwarranted as Jeremy Shockey's comments were--he was right. What's the big deal? He's only a coach. Let's move on and start talking about what's going on between the hash marks and give credit to the guys banging in the trenches. Unless Parcells is catching one in the ribs like the assistant from N'western, I don't want to hear about it. And speaking of not wanting to hear about it, why are we still talking about Jeremy Shockey?
Who the fuck is Jeremy Shockey? A rookie tight end that dropped more TD passes than he caught......two. Just because he's white and plays a position other than quarterback doesn't make him any good. Get the mic out of his face and shove it up his ass because you would probably get a more profound statement out of that end. It's sad that all of these average white players get fame and fortune just because they don't play so "white". I'll take Wesley Walls, or Eric Johnson and a hundred other more productive white tight ends over that fool. I don't care if they don't run as fast or talk as much. They put up better numbers and they don't drop sure touchdowns in the end zone once a game. So I'm going on the record here--unless Jeremy Shockey has been "McGaheed" and I'm throwing a party because of it--you won't here me say this redneck's name ever again.
So please.....let's stop this nonsense right here and now. Let's not talk about the Tuna and that other guy anymore. At least until either of them do anything of consequence this year other than showing up.

Until next time......Jason

P.S. Did you see the clip of that bear falling out of a tree onto a trampoline on PTI this week? What a riot.

It's a Bittersweet Symphony.....

2003-07-15T14:13:00.000-07:00

While Eric Gagne was trying to remove his head from his ass last night, I found myself in a state of glee. I was reminded of all of those Dodgers games when Gagne trots in from the bullpen in the bottom of the 9th with "Game Over" flashing on the big screen. But then reality set in and I realized this jackass just blew homefield advantage for every team in the National League. Just like that. In one half of an inning the World Series will begin in the American League ballpark. Huh? What about the second half of the season? The experiment didn't work. Don't confuse a coincidence with a passion filled game. Just because the game didn't end in a tie, doesn't mean the experiment worked. It didn't count to these players any more than it did when Sandy Alomar hit the game winning homer a few years ago. Try and tell Ray Fosse about the All Star game not counting before.
This game was supposed to showcase everyone's favorite stars, that's why they implimented that original stupid rule where every team has to have a representitive. But now, those players won't even play because the teams are trying to win. What's that all about? Who are they trying to appeal to.....Los Angeles? They're trying to build an entire seasons worth of suspense into one game, which appeals to people just flipping the channels and happened to land on Fox yesterday. Not to the fans watching and following the season for 162 games. There is no denying this was good for the All Star game (though a 3% decrease in viewers might say otherwise), but I don't think anyone in baseball will say it was a good thing for the sport. Now I have to root for Eric Gagne and Paul Lo Duca because my teams fate lies in their hands. Just like that.....within a half inning, my boys' chances of championship were greatly reduced, and the joy I had from watching Eric "Gagme" getting his cheeks taken were robbed from me. Is that what Bud Selig was hoping for? Hey Bud, stop trying to lure new fans while neglecting the ones that you already have. Major League Baseball will never get it right.

This'll be intresting......
"Like the sands of the hour glass, this is the NBA". My favorite reality soap just got better. The Lakers added Karl Malone to the now, most volital locker room in the league. I can't wait to see how Karl Malone's no nonsense attitude will fit in with the "rappin", "360 dunkin", "trash talkin" bunch in LA. Who knows whats in store? Arguements? Fist fights? Hold outs? Who knows, but it'll be a lot of fun eh? The games might be alright too.

Until next time......Jason

The NBA....it's FANtastic!

2003-06-15T22:50:00.000-07:00

Way to go Nets. You just took a crap in your shoe for the second straight year, what are you going to do next? Let's begin by saying "aloha"(in this case aloha means goodbye) to your #1 guy to free agency propelling you, once again, into the lottery. Welcome to the NBA of the new millenium. Where players have the attention spans of two year olds. What's that son? Is this one too hard for you? It's OK, move on to something easier. Next year, J-Kidd and the Mailman will be throwin' down four times a year when the Lakers meet the Spurs. The NBA, it's "FANtastic"! Please, in a sport with twelve man rosters, fans shouldn't have to wonder who the guy wearing #11 is. What is this? The NCAA? 1-2 years and move on. "Paging David Stern", there's something seriously wrong when people get more excited over who's signing with who, rather than who's going to win what? The season doesn't begin until the finals end. Like school kids anxiously awaiting summer vacation, basketball fans anticipate the bidding wars over their favorite stars that occurs in offseason. The "revolving doors" that is free agency, leaves fans following and rooting for their favorite players, not their team of choice.
So let the season begin! Players, when the music starts, start walking, and when it stops, have a seat at the nearest NBA franchise. But in this game of musical chairs, you all win. It's the fans who lose. The fans who pay $50 a seat to come cheer you on, only to choke on the exhaust smoke of your Cadillac Escalade while your leaving on your free agency tour. The NBA, it's FANtastic. Thanks guys, you make that fifty bucks all worth it.

Until next time.........Jason

P.S. Did you check out the Jimmy Kimmel show last week? When Kimmel swated the poor 10 year old kids one million dollar shot? Classic. Kudos to you Jimmy. Kudos.

Just Another Rant.......

2003-06-08T22:47:00.000-07:00

As ABC and the Disney Channel scramble to rearrange their post Stanley Cup programming, and cancel their scheduled "Mighty Ducks" marathon, I can't help but grin. I know, I'm supposed to root for the "underdog". Pray for another "cinderella" story that captivates the sporting world. But hasn't the Anaheim/LA area been on the "band wagon" long enough. It's about time for them get off, take a break, and have another botox injection. When a city wins a trophy, that isn't a que for it's players to give that over used "we have the greatest fans in sports" speech. Sometimes.......its a lie. Can you "dig" that Shaq? You have the worst fans in sports and we all saw it in the final game of the Lakers/Spurs series when Staples missed a sell out by about 3,000 seats. And the rest cleared out by about the end of the third quarter. And it'll be even more evident next year when the Lake-Show takes Mark Madsen II in the first round. Yeah.....where are your "thundersticks" now Anaheim? Did they not go with your purse? Or that "prom dress" you wore to the ballgame? I guess the Rally Monkey isn't hip anymore. Not "Cosmo" enough for you. Poor chimp. You deserve better. Not a city that wants to turn you into a jacket when their record goes the way of Saddam. Underground? In a "basement"? Who knows? But the biggest loser in all of this is the Dodgers. LA-LA land dropped them faster than J Lo did Cris Judd when the Angels started winning. (I know, corny, but I couldn't pass on it.) Never fear Dodgers. Another 10 game win streak and your loyal fans might fit coming to one of your games into their prescious palm pilots.
Come on. Lets send the Clippers to Charolotte. Ship the Angels over to DC. And please, please, don't give them another football franchise. Wasn't the LA Xtreme enough?
Let me finish by pouring out a little liquor to the biggest losers of the week. No, not Roger Clemens. He held that honor the past two weeks. No,it's the owners of Funny Cide. Even though they only paid $75,000 for him, they will be haunted by the "what ifs"? The "coulda beens". Not only did they lose out on the $200,000 dollar purse at the Belmont; the $6 million Triple Crown bonus; but all of the Disney movie deals. But now, he will be forgotten. Just like the other 9 horses in the last 13 years who won the first two legs of the Crown. Sorry dawg. Or......horse. On the bright side, I hear "stud life" is pretty nice.

Peace......Jason